I love Oprah. I used to sit and eat my after school snack and watch her give away cars and interview celebrities. Tom Cruise jumping on the couch as I ate Oreos was good livin’. Over the course of the past few years my mom started sending me articles from her magazine, which were always so wonderful. It’s only logical that one of the wealthiest celebrities of all time would be able to tap the brains of those with remarkable wisdom and superior schooling. I ended up loving the inspiration-packed publication and subscribed a few months ago and it has been nothing short of refreshing and thought provoking.
I’m not one for quotes- not in movies, books, or otherwise. It’s got to be really good to get my attention, however an exception caught my attention by way of contributor Gayle:
“Always be more than you appear, and never appear to be more than you are.”
– Horst Kasner
These words singed my brain and have been haunting me ever since. For as deeply as I attempt to immerse myself in the art of appearance, this sentence called me to reflect upon my own self projection. I felt a question mark ricochet around the walls of my noggin; rebounding off of recent dinner conversations, the unfinished sewing projects that are burning my conscious, blearning and other blog shenanigans, shiny sashes in my closet, and the tendrils of ruby bound in elastic on my head. Am I more than I appear… or just a wannabe? Where does one draw the line on these sorts of things? Where does this fit in with my lifestyle and what I project? Or am I thinking honest thoughts but not saying honest words?! Why on earth is this quote getting under my skin?
Oprah, in your next giveaway, can I have some advil?!
I spent some time thinking about all of the ways I wanted to know that balance in my life. As of late, my vision has been muddied by an influx of deadlines and remastering of priorities. I read the quote again and again as if to beam through fog with laser-vision. There, on a summer afternoon in the midst of some quiet time, I was reminded of the importance of knowing one’s own worth, and pursuing conscious humility. At times, such mentalities feel intangible in this world made of stitches. Fashion alludes to something “more” with every choice of material, photo shoot lighting, and hairstyle. I’ve found myself a contributor to such illusion. Right now I’m sitting on the couch, but it is quite possible your brain thinks I am in a goofy pose wearing a trendy outfit such as the one in the background. Objectively this is misleading, and, for me, discouraging as I sit here on the couch with a daunting workload of sewing and writing deadlines in the days to come. Certainly not playtime. It is these times that require words like those to remind myself that I’m still on the uphill battle. Time to get down to the nitty gritty…. I may need some late-night coffee.
This is one of those moments of clarity I created this blog for. I hope to look back on and say “yeah, I grew up a little bit more that day” as I type through the tension of the petty stresses of my week and clear some headspace for more important thoughts.. Thoughts like: “OW! I just poked myself with a needle again!” and “SH*&^^% I thought I did that right the first time!” It is times like these when I take comfort that every “trrreennnday” picture is a small building block and every missed stitch in a sewing project is one I won’t miss in the future.
My Friday night off of my restaurant job will be filled with the repetition of the sewing needle and cranking out tomorrow’s fashion piece for my college newspaper. It certainly won’t appear to be much more, yet as the breeze and the sweet melodies of a street violinist softly fill my quaint apartment, I admittedly am smirking with gratitude, knowing it is so much more than I could ask for.