Listen. I don’t f*&%ing get it. All week I have to hear about stinking celebrities and their “fabulous” fashion statements and I have basically been red carpet ready for years and nobody has paid any attention to me. It’s not fair!
Just take a look at Gaga in this trash bag dress….
C’mon, financially-savvy-college-freshman Caroline was rocking that years ago…
Obviously red carpet worthy.
Then Allison Williams shows up in Valentino and everybody is like “ooohhhh”
Um excuse me but HOW could you forget that I basically wore the same thing to my junior year voice recital?
I friggin’ nailed “Green Finch and Linnet Bird” from Sweeney Todd that night.
But what really chaps my hide is Katy Perry and her– wait, what’s that they call it?- oh yeah— her “grill”.
Katy, Katy, Katy. Let me show you how it’s done. Fake forest background.
Casual knuckles under chin.
So whimsical…yet, so fierce.
All I’m saying is, fashion legends like myself deserve some recognition.
I’ll be waiting on my invitation to 2014’s VMA’s, MTV.
I’ll. Be. Waiting.